Today is the start of my healing process. I am going to delve deeper on my feelings and I am going to let people in one who I really am instead being superficial about things because I am afraid of what people think. Get ready to really get to know Rachel Gubler. Hopefully it doesn't bore everyone to death and hopefully there can be great things for me to learn along the way. My story: I feel like a new person. I have changed in so many ways some people don't even recognize me anymore. Lots of them don't even acknowledge that I exist because of my changes and it hurts but what can I do about it. I may be different but I feel like the way I have changed has made me a better person. It may come as a shock to some people and to some it may not, but I have to be honest on here or this blog is worthless. I went inactive about a year and a half ago. A lot of my ways of thinking about things changed and I decided you know what? I am going to break away from this bind I am tied to and I am going to start making my own decisions and get more control of myself. I have ALWAYS done things because it's what was expected of me, even though I was not comfortable with it. I treated people with disrespect and hate because they weren't perfect or LDS and I am SO extremely ashamed of how I acted. I needed to break away from it. And honestly I had a lot of people who I thought were good friends that just stabbed me in the back for trying to be a better person. I'm sorry but that really hurts. It's hypocritical. I really do appreciate my true friends for loving me despite my religious views. I still respect the church, I still want to be involved in a few activities. But I hate being judged for being happy with who I am. I am the exact same person I used to be without the pressure, without the judgment, without the fear, without the thought that I couldn't do what I truly wanted cuz then everyone would hate me. I want to be me! I lost a lot of friends, but I also gained a lot of them because I wasn't being so darn picky about the people around me. There are SO many great people out there that are not LDS and they are GOOD people. I am a good person. Don't stop being friends with me or treat me different because I truly am so much happier then I have been before and I really do believe I am a better person as I am now. No I am not perfect but no one is. I just wanted to let you guys know that. I am still changing in other ways like trying to learn how to step out of my bubble and do more socially but it's going to take time. I am not trying to brush you away I am just comfortable being alone with my family. It's my safe spot. NO ONE should take offense with any of this. I just want you to know that I really do love you guys and I do deserve respect no matter what I do. Please keep that in mind and please try to keep involving me even if I don't make it the things I get invited to, sometime I will get the courage to step out of my comfort zone and start doing more.
Love Rachel
5 comments:
Aww, Rachel, I'm sorry if you feel like people have judged you! I'm sure that most of them haven't meant to. Probably people are just concerned and want what's best for you. But you're right - you know what is best for you and your family and no one can make you do anything. I'm glad you are happy!
Rachel, I'm very happy that you are able to show your true feeling's and not worry about what other people think. This is a great post and I for one and proud of you, your are an awesome person for who you are, not for where you live or what you drive or what your belief's are, your awesome for YOU! I'm so happy that you are happy, happy is very important.Thanks for being YOU! I love you Rachel Gubler!
Love Ella
happy! happy! happy!:)
People suck. If they're going to judge you, then that's their problem, because you're an amazing person, and anyone would be lucky to call you friend! Experiences like this really show you who your true friends are.
Rachel... I don't know if you even remember me. But I was in your ward for quite a long time and I wanted to share something with you. I never knew you (personally) but I was in primary and loved your children. I was never a really an outgoing person that got to know a lot of people. But I have to tell you that I loved being in their with your kids and how you and Marty would always help, when we needed a substitute. I loved it when you sang, you have the most gorgeous voice. I was actually a little intimidated by you. It has never bothered me, the choice of religion and I can understand both sides. I have lost many friends for my choices in life, both LDS and non religious. I am sorry that you are having a hard time right now and no matter what you follow, I think you are an amazing woman with a gorgeous family!!! And I am sorry that times are tough for you. I hope things get better in the near future.
That's right you tell 'em Goobs!
You aren't taking any more judgmental poop from anybody. Stand your ground (preferably w/ a pitchfork for emphasis.)
Religion should never used to define a person, it should be a tool to help them through life. I understand your views of the predominant religion; I've struggled with it all my life. But I truly believe that if you are good person, and you are humble, charitable, & take care of your own. God never turns a blind eye when you are trying your best to contribute to humanity rather than take away from it.
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